Why Are We So Mean Online? A Love Letter to the Worst Corner of the Internet

🧐 Estimated read time | 6 minutes

If you’ve ever ventured into a comment section — whether it’s under a YouTube video, Instagram reel or a post about a lost dog in the neighbourhood’s Facebook group,— you know exactly what I mean when I say: we’ve lost the plot.

Recently, I posted in a local group about a lost Akita we encountered on the street. Seemingly friendly, I said. The comments? A vicious pile-on.
“Friendly? Towards whom?!”
“How dare you assume it’s not a threat?!”
“Clearly, you’re an irresponsible menace to society!”

My quiet act of neighborhood goodwill turned into a gladiator match I never signed up for. Caught me off-guard.

But here’s the thing: these small explosions in comment sections say more about us than we want to admit. How did we end up being so hostile to each other? Here are 4 reasons I gathered.

Psychology of the Comment Section

When we’re online, we’re basically wearing an invisibility cloak. This is known as the online disinhibition effect — the magical phenomenon that turns some people far bolder and meaner than they’d ever dare to be face-to-face.

Anonymity makes us brave and reckless, freeing us from the consequences we’d face if we dared say these things at, say, a dinner party. Can you imagine launching a full-blown passive-aggressive monologue with all caps and seventeen exclamation marks instead of smiling politely and excusing ourselves for more wine?

So, are we being rude just for the thrill of it? In most cases, not really. For many people, this is the first time they’ve felt truly empowered to speak up. Behind a screen, they can express thoughts they’re too shy, insecure, or polite to say out loud. Yet this freedom, if left unchecked, often tips into hostility, especially when someone already feels overlooked, misunderstood, or invisible elsewhere.

Hot Takes & the Economics of Outrage

The internet runs on engagement. And nothing engages us quite like a heated debate or a “hot take.”

In a Stanford study, researchers Jure Leskovec and colleagues analyzed millions of Reddit posts and found that when users receive negative feedback or downvotes, they’re more likely to contribute even more aggressively in future interactions. Instead of encouraging self-reflection, negative feedback often fans the flames.

Another follow-up study showed that anyone can become a troll given the right conditions — particularly after exposure to negativity, stress, or social rejection. In other words, we’re not born trolls; many of us get pulled into the whirlpool by design.

Algorithms feed this cycle. They push divisive content to the top because it generates more clicks and keeps us glued to our screens. The angrier we are, the longer we stay. This “hot take economy” rewards loudness over complexity and nuance. And let’s be honest: this isn’t just an internet problem — we see it mirrored in political debates, news cycles, and even dinner table discussions.

The Rise of the “Opinion on Everything” Culture

Remember when it was okay to say “I don’t know enough to comment”? Me neither. Social media has trained us to believe we must have a take on everything: politics, the best oat milk brand, whether Pluto is a planet, and or how someone chooses to parent their kid. We jump in, because silence online feels like irrelevance.

According to Brewer & Kerslake, people often jump into arguments not necessarily because they’re deeply invested in the topic but to assert power, gain visibility, or feel momentarily significant (Brewer & Kerslake, 2015).

That said, here’s a radical thought: not having an opinion isn’t a sign of ignorance, it can actually be a form of self-awareness. It means recognising that we can’t possibly understand every nuance of every issue, and sometimes, the wisest (and kindest) thing we can do is to simply listen or quietly scroll on.

Imagine if “I don’t know enough about this” became trendy. It probably wouldn’t go viral, but it might just spare us all a great deal of mental clutter and unnecessary arguments.

Social Media as a Mirror

We love to point fingers at “the toxic internet” like it’s some rogue alien force. But spoiler: the internet is us — magnified and stripped of social filters. Those snarky comments and endless fights aren’t coming from robots. They’re coming from real people, grappling with real insecurities: fear of being left out, fear of being irrelevant, fear of being wrong.

The urge to “win” in comment sections often stems from something deeper — a desire to feel seen and validated, even if it’s in the worst possible way. Our online personas become megaphones through which we shout to the universe: “I exist! I matter!”

Yet the more we project our inner fears outward, the more we drift away from meaningful connection — not only with others, but also with ourselves.

So… is there hope?

Imagine if, before typing, we asked ourselves: “Would I say this to my friend over coffee?” or “Do I actually know enough to weigh in?”

We can’t change algorithms overnight, but we can shift our personal online behavior. Pause before posting. Embrace the beauty of not having a take on every single subject. Choose kindness, even if it means fewer likes.

Platforms could also do better: designing features that encourage thoughtful dialogue rather than quick jabs. Maybe they could add friction — like a tiny pop-up asking, “Are you sure this isn’t just mean?” before you hit send.

At the very least, we can all start with one small act: scroll past the temptation to jump into every fight. Pet a dog. Eat some pasta. Take a walk.

Let’s Calm Down, Internet

So, the next time you’re on the brink of typing a dissertation under someone’s dog post, pause and remember this: it’s okay to have no opinion. It’s okay to scroll. It’s okay to log off and touch some grass. The comment section doesn’t have to be an emotional battlefield.

And even if it is — and let’s be honest, it often is — we don’t have to join the fight.

Ultimately, the world and our brains might be a gentler place if we all practiced a little more digital humility and a lot more compassion, both for each other and for ourselves.

💡 References for further reading

• Suler, J. (2004). The online disinhibition effect.
• Brewer & Kerslake, 2015. Cyberbullying, self-esteem, empathy and loneliness

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